MUUMs meeting today... a broken Mother

I wasn't going to go participate in the meeting today but after a really bad night emotionally and the fact that Lyn was working as childcare I had to at least drive her there. I usually invest a little time in making up a center piece for visual ambiance in the room during the meeting but I did not feel like putting too much effort into it all. I noticed one of my Mother figures around the house and she seemed perfect. She has always been one of my favorites but months ago the shelf she sat upon fell down. She broke in half and a chip is missing from her back. My husband is pretty good with super glue and put her back together. She is still broken but with all that I have been going through lately it seemed appropriate to have a "broken " but mended figure in the room. She is still beautiful. I shared a few of my feelings with my friends and newcomers in the group but no one except a really GOOD friend really knows my anguish...

Here she is in all her glory.

My homemade laundry soap

 

It has rained so much lately that I haven't had a lot of chances to sun my cloth diapers. Also, I bought some cheap detergent and have been using it for about 3 weeks. I have used all kinds of detergents for my diapers both higher end kinds that were gifts and homemade ones that I have loved. The urine and frankly poop smell just would not go away no matter how I rinsed or washed my diapers so I drew a line. I made my own detergent with what I had on hand. I make all kinds of "potions" and "concoctions" as my children say from soap, herbal oils and remedies to more exotic items. Today I just happened to make detergent.

This is what I put in it... grated plain Castile soap (yes I have a grater for soap only!), lavender EO, borax and baking soda. I stirred it all up with a wooden spoon and it worked like a charm. The diapers smelled great and are out on the line right now!

Problem solved....

My latest sale...

Calendula, lavender, arnica infused oil....

Now don't you need that to sooth some bug bites, scratches, poison ivy, and any other summer uh ohs? Works great as a soothing massage oil or added to the bath also. Helps with pain relief and itching.

Always available in my Etsy shop.... Motherly Creations

Lost children

I made a very hard decision today. I am going to tell part of the story here. I spent the morning in court finalizing joint custody of Annika with her father. The trauma of dealing with him constantly for visitation and trying to "fix" her after she returned to my house was more traumatic than anyone could imagine. Her father was very abusive to me and on a lot of levels just being within 10 feet of him for drop offs could put me in a negative emotional state for days. And then the cycle begins again. I thought that because Annika was a girl and needed me more than my older sons who have been living with their father for years I could just stomach the anger, disgust, and loathing towards her father. After 9 years of raising her myself and dealing with her diagnoses, unpredictability, and trying to reverse the emotional damage her father inflicts on her at every visitation I broke and gave up. I hate her father. That is a strong statement and my life will be forever changed by letting Annika go. Her life may be better it may be worse but I have to think of the health and safety of my other children and myself. I may be selfish but I cannot sacrifice my emotional well-being to the point that I cannot take care of my other children.

I feel like a woman who has given up a child for adoption. I legally can have visitation with Annika but I do not believe I will take advantage of it unless I know Annika needs me. My mother wants to still see her. If her father allows her she can take my visitation times I don't use but it is stressful on her too. Who knows what the future holds but at this moment Annika is not part of my future or daily life but I will always be there for her and her brothers if they need me.

I let Danny and Connor go years ago on a daily basis. I recently tried really hard to reconnect to them. Danny actually attacked me and the police had to be called during one of his visitations. He has Autism, is 17 years old, and over 6 feet tall. This all happened in front to my other children. I drew a line then. Connor cries and begs never to come to my house. He is a troubled depressed boy who has stated that he wishes he could just disappear. He does not want to be with me and his father is blind to his needs. I have no control....

I cannot sacrifice the 5 children that live with me and my marriage and any future children for the sake of lost children. I have responsibilities and it is a hard day when a mother has to choose between her drowning children......

Happy Birthday Evan!!

7 years old today...

Fairy Tale Eggplant

Aren't they just beautiful? I placed them next to a regular eggplant we are all used to seeing. I got them at the farmer's market. Even the color of the traditional eggplant is so vibrant...

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

The little kids are so happy The Very Hungry Caterpillar movie made directly from the book is on NetFlix. Since my treasured copy I used to use in class is trashed I am pretty happy too....

My newest order

 

My comfrey oils and balms are my biggest sellers. My latest order will be shipped tomorrow. I have finally streamlined my straining methods to dirty up as few dishes as possible. Click on the picture below to learn more about the wonderful plant that is such a blessing from Mother Earth... If you want me to make you some just order. I'll deliver locally. A link to my Etsy store is on he side bar or just contact me....

Happy 4th of July

I should be out there teaching my kids the meaning of this day but all I want to do is hide in my room as the baby naps and read. I have a research paper due tomorrow in my Woman's Health and Nutrition class on the WHO's (World Health Organization) stand on women and children's nutritional needs in Ethiopia. I should be working on it but seriously... I think I can write it in my sleep.

Anyway Happy 4th of July. Don't take anything for granted. Other countries don't even have the basic human rights such as being free from the fear of genital mutilation and the opportunity to have at LEAST one meal a day....

At the playground today....

Elaina had a blast playing in a mud puddle at the playground. As I watch her in her cloth diaper cover with an insert inside I am grateful that her bottom is protected. Not all children are as lucky. A family I know is adding to their family through adoption. They are adopting from Ethiopia. Disease and parasites are rampant and dangerous to all of the infants and young children in this country. Diapers are a rare commodity to poor families and children in orphanages. Add to that the fact that the orphans do not receive breast milk to help them fight the health risks in their environment diapers for these children are a luxury. Protecting these children is something that I am working on. I am helping with a cloth diaper drive. The diapers, pins, snappies, and diaper covers will be collected and sent with a family who will be going to Ethiopia soon and will take the diapers with them. Please consider donating used or new cloth diapers to this cause. You can contact me through this blog or on Facebook to donate. Diapers can be mailed or picked up in the Birmingham area. Every bit helps. If you can't donate please consider sharing this post.

Thank you...

Finally our Summer altar is up

I finally got around to setting up my Summer altar. Eliot and Ben helped this year. I changed out my garden flag and gave my Summer Goddess middle honors on my shelf. Welcome Summer...