I so desperately want to have a connection with my eldest daughter. I have tried letting her make her own choices. I have tried being strict with her. Definitely not as strict as some parents are with their children though. It seems like nothing I do matters. I wanted to give Lyn a childhood and young adulthood that I wished I had. She doesn't want it. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. She wanted to move out and lie with older friends who were bad influences and I had to put my foot down. She has two jobs and a car. She was all ready to graduate in a few months and move on to college or the military. Well, now she needs a babysitter. I shall enroll her into public school and tough for her if she falls prey to the bad influences there. I tried to be a present parent and one that allowed freedom. Now, I shall be for her what I guess what she needs not what I think she needs. I will let her be like every other teenager not like my unique eldest daughter. I am letting go. Maybe she will emotionally come back to me. Maybe our relationship will be surface deep and simple. Maybe we will connect again when she is older or maybe never. Maybe the connection was only in my head. No matter what she is mine and I am hers. Time will go on.....
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