I am trying to hold on so hard. What am I holding onto though? I am not sure. Life has been emotionally difficulty lately with the loss of my stepfather. And with the upcoming birth of my first and possibly only grandchild next month my life is a bit full. Work is going OK. It is not perfect but I am thankful I have a job. I miss my children terribly. I want to be at home for them. I am stressed for unknown reasons also. OK, some are known but not blogworthy. Marriage is hard. I never was one who thought marriage or having a partner was lifelong. I really feel we are programmed to operate in cycles. Our society tries to teach us that marriage should last forever as we see people all around us getting divorces or ending relationships. I want to say I deserve happiness but I am not sure I do. I have hurt people emotionally in the past. I can be extremely cold and I can really hold a grudge. Do I really deserve anything?
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