Why haven't I been posting?

 There are a lot of reasons why I haven't been posting lately. The main reason has bluntly been the ugly word cancer. Breast cancer is no joke. It isn't something to be taken lightly. It isn't something that goes away overnight or in a year. It will affect the rest of my life and every decision I make from here on out. I could not have done any of this without the support of George and my family. I even know my adult children, I don't talk to very often, must be thinking of what in the world is going on?

Last November at work I broke my arm at work. It was so silly really. I was taking the trash out and the can was overloaded and on a very steep hill. I sidestepped but not fast enough. I twisted my ankle and landed hard on my wrist. That caused a radial fracture that ended me up in the emergency room. I was put on worker's comp and light duty. I was in a tight splint and then a cast that I got off in January. I have been in PT for a few weeks now. The soft tissue damage from the immobility is pretty extensive. I can't make a fist yet with my left hand. I am still on light duty and haven't returned to my regular position. No overtime either. That has hurt my income stream. 

Chemotherapy has gone better than I expected side effect wise. I started in October. The steroids made me feel worse than anything and kept me awake a lot.  I did lose almost all of my hair. I had just a little bit of pieces left. My eyebrows are sparse and my eyelashes thinned a bit. Under my arms and "other areas" I lost hair. I didn't lose any on my arms and legs though but it was very thin and blond there anyway. I finally did notice that my facial hair which wasn't a lot but every one knows even women have a little peace fuzz was gone. I assume all of it will grow back. I am actually pretty sure it will. I took three weeks off from chemo. I had a bratty moment and felt my whole life was a bit out of control. I needed to control something. I cancelled chemo and then met with my doctor and basically "fired" him. With no chemo for 3 almost 4 weeks now my hair has started to grow back. Not enough for me to be comfortable not wearing my wig except at home though. It does look brown though not grey like a lot of people. i start back on chemo this week. I have six more rounds left. If I didn't stop i would be done in three weeks. Oh well. I didn't want to do it all in the first place but everything is just pretty scary. I guess if I want to live and want any of my goals I have to do this. I do not look forward to hormone therapy. I know I am 48 but I had no signs of menopause. I am dreading being forced into menopause. The side effects can be pretty painful. I may be lucky with that as I was with chemo. Some women don't have many side effects. It has been almost 6 months now that I have not really had use of two hand at once. I had to recover from surgery and then boom I broke my wrist. This recovery is worse and longer than recovery from loosing a body part. The pain in my hand wakes me up. I am thankful it was not my dominant hand.