Monday, April 20, 2015

Annika's tree

I think I posted about Annika and her tree last year when it started to leaf out in the Spring. Here I am again with the reminder of my lost daughter. I have tried to communicate with her. I invite her to spend time with my side of her family. She refuses. I almost wish she would just be angry but she is just strange when we talk. Like the water symbol that the willow can be seen as she is just an empty vessel. She is filled with what she is surrounded by. I bought her a birthday present for her 13th birthday and was going to attempt to celebrate with her but I believe it will just not happen. I try and try to just let go because that is what she wants but she grew within my body and it is hard. Knowing that she just doesn't see me or her siblings as her family probably makes her father very happy. It was always a goal of his to have children but not have to "deal with" a mother for them. Well, he got it.... It may backfire on him and Annika may regret turning away from her mother but we all have regrets....

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