Happy Birhday Dan

23 years ago!!! My mom drove faster than then ever from Birmingham to Charleston, SC to see her first grandchild be born. Daniel Stephen came into the world weighing 8 pounds even. He is a very unique young man. His hobbies right now are reading and growing tomatoes. He is happy, that is what matters the most. Even though with Autism it is hard for him to show it he is happy....

Days

I had a horrible day yesterday. I tried to brush off the funk I was in and do my job but my main job has become harder and harder. I am trying to adapt and still be truthful. That is hard to explain but I know what I mean.

On another note my husband and children still love me despite the crazy person that I am. And, look, my lavender is blooming!! So is my basil. It is so pretty that I only cut one blossom. To keep basil growing to use the herb you really should prune the flowers but come on... they are purple and so pretty! And the gerbera daiseys are popping!!

How I feel...

 

How do I explain it? Depression, failure, incompetence, down right useless is how I feel. I feel like the kids don't listen to me or care about what I use. I didn't say that they always don't listen. I said I FEEL like they don't listen. I feel like they don't need me. I KNOW they do but I FEEL that they don't. My solution is to just hide. Their Dad seems to not have this problem. He just goes on day by day the same. Even when he is frazzled he just sets boundaries like, "leave each other alone. or go outside you two and you two stay inside". He diffuses squabbles between the kids. It doesn't drown him that kids are hard and the house needs to be cleaned. He doesn't set his self worth on how he is perceived. I have to be "the best" at everything and I am just mediocre at a lot of things. That is how the world is. At least the world I live in....

 

Girls outing...

We had fun. The big girls' Sunday School class had a field trip. First they were going to go ice skating but the rink was full so we went to a jumpy house place. Elaina was a little scared of the noise of the hurricane machine but they all had fun. I really felt my age today....

At 44 all I dream about is retirement but I can't afford to retire. So, I try to figure out what I am going to do at 62 to survive.....

I have a feeling I need to retire younger than my 67 social security age because I doubt I will live till 70.

Jaynie and Etta

It is something special to have a daughter and granddaughter so close in age. Jaynie joined us tonight for church. A year ago today she was with us too. These pictures speak a thousand words. Etta is small for her age. Jaynie is actually on the short side but you would never know next to Etta. This first picture was from a year ago...

To the doctor we go...

Eli had a rash so he had to be checked by a doctor and be deemed not contagious to be allowed back at daycare. So I had to get a note. Turns out he has an ear infection. He has had more than Evan. But really my kids have been pretty healthy all in all...

We got some one on one time though which was sweet.

New haircut for Eli

A day with Granny gets you a haircut....

Elias looks like such a big boy now.

Grove Collective order

This company and service rocks!!! I am becoming the "just order it in the mail" mom. I really don't like grocery shopping and this along  with Butcher Box and Amazon Pantry has saved my sanity lately not to mention money. Half of this Grove order was FREE! Love it!!!

Can you believe it? Elderberry gummies...